Been off the case for a bit but the news is still making me laugh...

Hi there - been so busy over the last month I've had very little opportunity to post but fortunately the news remains hilarious, so you've got plenty to entertain yourselves with. Two good examples from today's BBC website:

• Jails 'too comfy' to merit escape - Prison Officers Association spokesman Glyn Travis (named after the Blakes 7 character? Does he have an eyepatch?) reckons that inmates are happy to stay inside as they can get hold of drugs, mobile phones and sex. It's very similar to being at school or college, in other words - so why not run a story saying "universities too comfy to merit graduation"?. Reporting of this story strikes me as bizarre - for one thing, shouldn't we be pleased if inmates aren't trying to escape from prison? Also, if prisons are "too nice" for people to want to get out, isn't it some indication that the quality of the life experience outside prison needs to be raised, rather than making the inside even more f***ing awful than it already is? And isn't the prison service doing the country a favour by acclimatising prisoners to the conditions they will face when the UK turns into one big police state any day soon - "look guys, here's how it is. You have to get up early to work to an externally imposed timetable and you don't have any say in how your life is run, but look on the bright side: there's drugs. And sex. And mobile phones (perhaps all 3 in the same package?)"?
• Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond is advising Scottish drivers not to panic buy fuel in advance of the Grangemouth refinery strike. Dunno about you, but I can't think of anything more likely to make me want to go straight out and buy a full tank (at least) than a leading politician coming on the telly and saying "don't worry. The fuel's not going to run out". Probably if Salmond went on and said "oh yes! You should panic buy! And you'll be helping the economy too as petrol stations have put prices up by 15p a litre to take advantage of your generosity!"... that would put paid to any shortages. Pychology, dear boy.